I Believe in the Magic of Christmas

I believe in the magic of Christmas.

There is something magical about people who love Christmas as much as my brother and sister in law and his mom . They invite all of us over to celebrate the season with yummy food, casual conversation and lots of laughs. This year we even played games.

I believe in the magic of Christmas.

There is something magical about the words used more frequently at Christmas time. Words like joy, faith, believe, peace and love. In our tiny house we put up a tiny tree and decorated it lovingly with ornaments made by my daughter in law with some of those magical Christmas words.

I believe in the magic of Christmas.

There is something magical about Santa Claus. I love the idea of someone who gives of themselves without thought of what might come in return. Who gives simply for the joy of giving. I love the idea that one magical night each year millions of people have their wishes come true. At least some of them anyway!

I believe in the magic of Christmas.

There is something magical about knowing that millions of people are celebrating the love and life of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I know He loves me always and has provided a way for me to live with Him again one day. Knowing the example He set and the millions of people who try to be like him is magical!

I believe in the magic of Christmas.

There is magic in the way people put their differences aside and come together to celebrate as family. What other time of the year can you find a menorah in one window and a Christmas tree in another.

I believe in the magic of Christmas.

It is magical when people show the spirit of the season by their generosity. They purchase and make gifts for the people they love.

I believe in the magic of Christmas.

The magical feeling when we see how people have put up festive lights, decorated their homes, offices, and yards. Even when they may have gone too far in their endeavors there is magic in that too.

Some of our neighbors have minimal and simple decorations like Janette next door or Angie . Some spend hours making it look just the way they want. This neighbor was out there with a tape measure for four hours. Maybe he was trying to make it look good both day and night. Sadly I am not very impressed. But the neighbor at the end of the street did a much better job making their yard look fun and festive both day and night. My night shot does not do it justice though.
Then there are those who toss out everything like these two neighbors. Who like to take things to the extreme. (Same house with a different angle since it is a corner house.) And this neighbor whose yard is so full I can't get it all in one shot. It looks a little hideous both night and day. (Still can't get it all in one shot.) I have lovingly referred this last one as Christmas puke.

Thanks to my new neighbor Stephanie I have even learned to appreciate the Christmas puke. The homes and yards of the people who have gone overboard. The yards that look as if every decoration ever sold or given to them seems to find the most random place. Almost as if they opened the box and tossed the contents across the yard. Stephanie helped me see that these folks simply have unbridled spirit and don't feel the need to hold back.

This is Stephanie's decorations. A lot but not enough to be considered puke. Yes, there is even a little magic in Christmas puke.

I believe there is some magical things about Christmas...

Automated Sinks & Soap

I went on my little rant about automatic toilets and meant every word but that isn't the end. While I was at church the other day I stopped to use the facilities and had a hard time getting soap. The thing was automated and kept dumping soap on the counter and not my hand. After a few attempts it finally worked but then I felt like I needed to try to clean up the mess. As I tried to get the soap from under the thing and dumped more soap on my hand about three more times. Jeez it was frustrating. I did manage to get the soap cleaned up and off my hands too.

Since the incident at the church I have had a few more incidents with automated sinks and soaps which made me remember prior incidents with these wonderfully frustrating things. Faucets in a public restrooms in my mind are covered in the most disgusting germs ever. The beauty of the automated systems are that we don't have to touch those germ covered things!

Then they came up with motion sensors in the soap dispensers. I am not too sure of why we need those. The tap to the dispensers are probably as disgusting as the faucets but they are dispensing the soap to wash those things away! The dispensers seem to work most of the time but when they don't it frustrates a little.

Unlike the toilets the automated sinks and soaps never startle me, splash me or make me feel lazy. They actually make me feel safer by allowing me not to touch public germs. I am grateful not to have to touch every germ left behind by others and not to share mine with them. I am not a germ-a-phobe but I don't like the idea of sharing germs with everyone either.

Still I am happy to have them. I just wish they would work better!

Automatic Toilets

Do we really need automatic flush toilets? I wonder sometimes at our own laziness. Some might say inventiveness but the jury is still out for me.

The automatic flush is nice. Now we don't have to try to touch something a million germ filled hands have touched to flush the toilet when we are done. Isn't that why we wash our hands afterward? I mean it isn't hard to flush a toilet.

Then there is the quickness or in some cases slowness of the auto-flush toilets. Sometimes I can't even turn around and drop my pants before the thing is flushing my seat cover away. I mean really folks I should not have to drop my trousers before placing the seat cover in order to be able to sit on a covered seat. Worse I think is when I can't figure out if the flush is delayed flush or if the flush isn't working. Nothing like reaching for the button thinking the auto-flush isn't working to find it works just in time to splash you pant leg or arm as you try to execute your own manual flush. I have taken to using my cane to push the button.

Since the onset of these auto-flush toilets I have seen more and more unflushed toilets. It is like we are so used to them being there and working right we just don't bother to pay attention and make sure our waste does not become a problem for someone else. I almost always wait. When I am in a big rush I listen and when I don't hear the flush as I sprint to the sink then I wonder if the flush was delayed . I almost always go back and check if I don't hear it.

I think I am getting to be one of the lazy ones. I almost get annoyed when the old fashioned toilets are there. It is not that I mind flushing it is just something I have become accustomed to not have to do these days until I get into a stall without an updated toilet. Then I wonder why they haven't updated the toilets. Have I become judgmental?

The flush in public toilets are so powerful these days when they flush there is a big splash factor. I never know if the wet on the seat is the result of poor aim of the previous user or the power flush. So I find myself wiping them only to be splashed when the automatic flusher sees my shadow move to clear the seat.

The jury is still out for me. When they work right I love them when they don't I just shake my head and wonder.

Thoughts on Sex

Why is sex a topic that make people clam up, blush, freak out, change the subject or otherwise show discomfort? Relax, lighten up and read on.

There are appropriate and not so appropriate settings to discuss sex but it should not be a taboo subject. Some images I'd rather not visualize so I get that sometimes people would rather not think about them let alone talk about them. Generalities are different though. The lines of communication should always be open especially between parent and child or between spouses.

I find sex to be a natural thing that should never be demonized. Nothing like telling someone sex is bad while growing up and then expect them to have a normal sex life later on.

I believe in sex education. People should know the risks and therefore make informed decisions. I don't think it is possible to teach abstinence but it is important for kids to know the parents rules/wishes. I believe if kids know what is right they will do what is right. They are kids though and should be reminded more than once.

My sex talk went something like this - Sex is a powerful act. The consequences are enormous. Birth control fails all the time. Condoms if not used right break or come off. You aren't allowed to have sex until you and your sexual partner are making enough money to raise a child and you have very good health insurance. If you decide to have sex you have to plan on raising the child, giving the child up for adoption or dieing. (All possible side affects from having sex.) If you have sex it should be with someone you know very well and are married to for the duration. In other words someone you plan to live with for the rest of your life. If the one you have sex with is not someone you could spend your life with then you should reconsider because chances are you could still be tied to that person for the rest of your life. When you have sex with someone you are also having sex with everyone they have had sex with (Gross!) so choose wisely.

As my kids began to date they were given the rules - No sex, no drugs, no alcohol and no smoking. I would give suitors the same sex talk I gave my own kids. Any guy that wanted to date my girls were also warned they could lose an appendage if they did not heed my advice to wait till marriage. Luckily two of my three sons waited till they were older to date.

Sex is something that should be shared by a committed couple and not random strangers. After all sex can kill! They didn't have these diseases 35 years ago. This information is a good deterrent for some young people.

Something as personal as a sex life should stay personal. Video taping is never a good idea. Still photos are also a bad idea. Even after marriage. They could get lost or heaven forbid you divorce and then what would happen.

As for me I am for sex with the right person, at the right time, in the right setting.

I must be getting old

I am a little upset. I think I may be turning into a prude. As a young person I'd say I was adventurous and maybe even a little risque but not in a public way. As I age I have decided the world is becoming way too risque. People don't seem to give any thought to what this increasing lax of morals may be doing to the next generation and the next.

How about all of the cussing we see? Not just in the media but in public places and even in schools. I have been a teacher for a while and have been in classrooms both public and private from pre-K to high school. There is cussing at every level. Children in kindergarten are exposed to classmates who cuss on a regular basis. I once wondered how these children picked up the language but I have been watching parents. I see them cussing in front of and at their children. At first I thought it was just young (teen to early 20's) parents but even the older parents who should know better are being a bad example to their kids. Then add the media and these little people don't stand a chance.

When did it become okay to show what was once X rated content with an R rating? When I was a little girl movies faded to black or the camera panned to a blazing fireplace and everyone used their imagination to figure out what was happening next. Growing up there was an occasional half breast maybe a little nipple in the explicit movies. Later there was some of the same kinds of nudity. Just a brief glimpse here and there. Now on some movies and TV shows there is full on nudity both male and female. In recent movies I have watched the sexual images which have surpassed the images I once saw after being dared to sneak into a XXX theater. For instance "Monsters Ball" and more recently "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" were both nearly pornographic for what seemed to be the sake of getting attention. If I wanted X rated I'd rent some porn. You never know what you are in for these days when you walk into a theater and I see parents bringing little kids into PG and R rated movies every time. I pre-screened every movie I suspected would be inappropriate and banned my kids from seeing anything they were too young to see for whatever the reason.

It seems like people have lost their integrity. Those that still retain their integrity are a dieing breed. People don't seem to think twice about telling lies, stealing, cheating and being promiscuous. I wonder how soon it will be before 50 year anniversary celebrations will be a thing of the past.

I am sickened by the sick and twisted T-shirts, hats and bumper stickers that are filled with innuendo or even direct smut. Children are learning to read younger and younger every year. A few years ago Mickey Mouse and Tweety Bird likenesses were seen flipping off the cars behind them, giant testicles were seen hanging from truck tow balls, Calvin was seen peeing on every logo imaginable. How are kids supposed to know right from wrong with that example shoved in their faces?

I still have an adventurous side but my morals are strong. I think about how my actions will be seen by the young people around me and edit out behavior that might influence badly or offend. I will always protect children. They are so young and don't have the skills to protect themselves. I respect the elderly. They have had time to develop wisdom through experience and I can learn a lot from them. My private life stays private. I cherish my family. They are dear to me. I hope others look around and turn the clock back to the time when we cared about each other. A time when we were more easily shocked. A time when we were made to use our imaginations and smut wasn't everywhere. I believe smut isn't in the eyes of the beholder and should never leave private spaces.

Yes, I think I am a prude. I must be getting old.

My Inspiring Positive Words!

Everyone should try to be a little more positive. I look around me every day and see people in a bad mood, people in a rush, people looking at what they don't have instead of appreciating what they do have. I fight my own battles to be thankful to Him for everything. Some days it is hard to remember and focus on the good but I try.

We often see inspiration in the strangest places. I may hear a phrase or see a word that will change my mood and inspire me to do more, see things in a new perspective, focus, join the right path etc.

Today I am writing a list of words that feel positive to me today. I will from time to time read the list again. I may add a word or even take one away but I plan to keep adding as I find a word or phrase that inspires the positive in me! Maybe my list will inspire you to be positive too.

Love
Freedom
Choice
Truth
Beauty
Laughter
Delicious
Funny
Smart
Family

That is today's list. Be sure to check back a different day to see what I have added or removed, lol. I'm like that. I reserve the right to change my mind!

Whining to myself!

I have done this poorly. There are 8 entries in draft form. I get an idea and write it down. Then I take the idea and give it some good thought. Then I start writing. I usually write the entire entry walk away and re-read it later. Then I make any revisions and post. Right now the eight are in different stages and so much time has past for some it might just be better to restart. Yet here I am whining about my own blogging habits, lol. I guess whining about myself is better than reading someone else whining about my blogging habits. But how would anyone know unless I spill the beans like this... Okay forget I said anything and pretend you didn't read the dates on the last posts. That way I won't look so neglectful. I'm not really neglectful just not too focused. I'll work on that. I'll get going then so I can work on one or more of the 8!

Words are cool...

Words are cool but communication is a different story all together. I listen to people talking and sometimes wonder if they hear what they are saying. Would they speak that way if they could see how others heard them? For instance the young parents cursing through sentences then laughing when their little ones use the same language. Cussing kindergartners are frowned upon by other parents and teachers. Or those folks who try to use a vocabulary beyond their knowledge base. I'd be embarrassed to improperly use words but I guess if they don't know how wrong they are they wouldn't be embarrassed. Or the folks who use semantics to argue a point when in essence they are saying the same thing using different words. They lose credibility with me when arguing the same point.

Here is an example:

Once a customer called regarding an accounting error. He asked about a payment and I checked the computer program because I actually remembered the transaction and figured the exact information should have been posted where it was supposed to be posted.
Silly me. It wasn't.
When I couldn’t find it I commented, “That’s funny.”

The next day we received a multi-paragraph rant via fax (pre e-mail days, for you internet children) from said customer about how my response was totally inappropriate. Huh?
He continued to rail on me for commenting that it was “Hilarious” that a payment had not been posted.

Idiot. I meant funny-odd, moron, not funny-haha!

Why does this simple example of semantics still bother me? Who knows. What I do know is that I still seem to come across the Semantically Stifled much too often!

I have noticed more than ever we are communicating less and less effectively. I think most of us including me believe we have good communications skills. We are wrong though. We don't listen to ourselves speak enough. If we did we would notice how truly ineffectively we do communicate. We have become a slang and shorthand society. We are emailing, chatting and texting on a regular basis which means we are losing the skills it really takes to communicate well. I am as guilty as everyone else to a certain extent.

English is a difficult language to learn. When you incorporate slang and idioms you really have a mess on your hands! I get so frustrated by people who don’t understand what I’m talking about because they don’t know the true meaning of the words in their own language. I admit, I have been known to use words incorrectly, but not very often.

Part of the problem may be that some of us, me included, sometimes use our own lingo and expect others to understand us. Like to add –ish and –age to the end of words.

“Sure, I’ll be there around noon-ish.” Or “I SAID COME IN HERE AND PICK UP YOUR CRAP-AGE BEFORE I THROW IT AWAY!”

Unfortunately, it can be confusing to some. I have a fairly new friend from Peru. I am constantly explaining slang or rewording to exclude slang.

The use of some of the abbreviations drive me nuts. Like how did "I'll see you later" morphed into "Later on" which morphed into "Late"? What's next?

I'm okay with universal text/computer shorthand like "LOL" for "laugh out loud", "BRB" for "be right back" Or "IDK" for "I don't know" because some people just can't type and some of the phone keyboards are very tiny.

Communication is an art. I'm all for improving the arts. We have all nearly lost the art of conversation. We are usually in such a rush we don't take time to just talk. We have become an informational society. I mean when we talk it is usually to find out or give information. For instance: When is dinner?, When do you work next? Where are my keys? When will you be here? etc. The questions are usually asked and answered in as few words as possible. For example: 5 o'clock. Tomorrow. On the dresser. Later. I say we should try to communicate better. Maybe using whole sentences like: Dinner will be ready at 5. I work tomorrow morning. Your keys are on the dresser. I'll be home when the game is over, around 4.

Be proactive in this whole communication thing. Maybe step away from the keyboard more often or dialing the phone instead of texting or maybe walking or driving over to visit people more often. I'll be doing my part.

Other Emails

We have established that I am not fond of serial emails. If you send me one please cut and paste and pull off the "please send this on" crap.

I hate spam too. I have a email address for junk mail. All the places and sites that ask for my email address get that one and once a month I unsubscribe as many as I can and delete the rest.

The emails that kill me are the ones begging for a prayer for a missing child. Although I don't consider them serial I have a hard time forwarding them when we have no way of knowing if the child was found or when the email started or even when it originated. I put them in a file so I can look at them when I know I will be going further away than the store or church. I got one about three years ago and got the exact same one again about 5 months ago. I know it is the same one because the photo is in the file. My heart goes out to the parents who have the missing child and I always pray for their safe return but unless there are dates and a website link for follow up I never send them on either. I take a long look at the child and try to remember their face as I go out over the next few days. It may sound cold but at least the mini posters on the wall at WalMart post found on them when the child is located.

My favorite emails are the personal notes. The ones that keep us in touch. I love when they hold a photo and I don't even mind if they are sent to multiple people because I know they are other people my friends or family love.

I also love the yearly getting to know you quizzes. The ones with several random questions that are answered by the sender then ask you to answer and send them back. I usually get one or two a year and they give me a glimpse of what my friends were doing when they filled it out. How else do I stay in touch with people who are as busy as I am and far away. I have friends all over the country and and even a few out of the country too. If you get those from me take a moment to write back. Even if you don't want to fill it out. But remember to cut and paste and not to forward them.

Emails are a wonderful way to let people know you love them, are thinking of them and care about them. They are cheaper than US mail and don't require the sender to know where they put the envelopes. I love getting cards and letters in the mail but I get how much faster, easier and cheaper it is to jot down an email and send it.

For some keeping in touch is more along the lines of blogging or social networking. Some of my friends just found out I have a social networking page. I have had it for nearly three years but have only used it to view some photos. Most of my friends have no idea I have a blog. Make that three blogs. (Updated 7/8/11 I am a social network addict. I love staying in touch in a way that does not require I check my email every day. I love that my friends can just randomly post a thought or send a direct message just because they feel like it and I love that I can see their photos without having to upload them! Life with social networking rocks!)

Serial Emails

I despise serial emails. You know the kind nearly everyone dreads getting. They have some cheesy saying or group of sayings, cute photos, prayer chains, etc and at the end say things like send this to everyone you love, or everyone in your address book or 10 people etc within however many minutes, hours, days. They usually promise something will happen (it never does), love, luck (either good or bad) or something else equally unattainable through an email. How can sending an email bring anything like that?

I look at the address lists linked to each forwarded email and wonder how many people have sold those lists to spammers. Why don't people keep addresses private, Just a quick by cut and paste then sending BCC can save a lot of grief. Nobody in my address book will ever have to worry about me passing on their address to be copied and sold to spammers.

These emails sometimes challenge our values like "If you love God you will pass this on to everyone in your address book." My relationship with God is between He and I and He knows how I feel. I say my prayers but they are my own prayers. I don't see how sending the prayers of someone else makes me any closer to the Lord. My true friends know I have a personal relationship with God so I shouldn't have to prove it by sending emails saying I do.

Exactly how does me sending an email support service men and women? I find sending an email as significant as putting on a bumper sticker where none of the purchase proceeds go to the troops or their families. I am guilty of doing a little cut and paste of some of the more beautiful poems and photos to pass to people who have family in the service. Not as a challenge for them to send on to others. Simply because they are beautiful. My support for the troops comes with prayer and volunteer work and not is some empty gesture.

My least favorite serial emails are the ones that claim they are showing how much I am loved when I get the email that is sent to me and everyone else in the address book of the sender. I know I am loved. I don't need to have a poem or photo to remind me. Every once in a while I remind the people in my address book they are loved by sending a note. They are written individually to each person. They carry sentiments and information to each addressee. If I send a photo it is one I have taken or one I chose because it reminds me of my friend.

I love my friends enough to not waste their time or share their addresses. If it is something interesting to look at or funny or beautiful I may pass it on but I cut out the part that requests the recipient to send it on to everyone else. I send it only to the one or two friends or family it relates to. If my friends like it they will pass it on to those who will appreciate it without a prompt, challenge or promise of reward. Who needs that kind of pressure anyway?

More Mirror

The last mirror entry was about looks this one is about looking to the future.

For most of this year I have been taking care of Mom. She has a huge fear of having to live in a home like Dad did. She wants to live at her home and not in a home. She wants to stay at home and be as well as she can be. The problem is she has had years of not living well. Dad got sick and she put her life on hold for him. She took awesome care of him and didn't take even moderate care of herself.

In watching Mom I have decided I need to make some changes. Changes for her and for me.

I started this post some time ago and got side tracked. It is probably two years later and Mom is resistant to change. She likes to complain and isn't willing to change her eating habits, spending habits, exercise habits, or any habit for that matter. She waits till she absolutely has to before going to the doctor which generally makes it harder for them to treat her. She hates surgery and fears it every time she sees a doctor but if they can fix it then fix it. I wish I had the opportunity to see a doctor at will.

So I'm looking in the mirror today and I like what I see better than I have in the last decade. I've made positive changes for myself and plan to stick to them. No wallowing or complaining for me! I hope most of the problems Mom has are from lack of care and not hereditary.

Old Lady in the Mirror

Mom never looks in the mirror. She says she has no idea when it happened but when she looks in the mirror there is an old lady she does not know looking back at her. She says she doesn't see herself in that way, I didn't understand then or now even. She was about forty when she got ill and her hair went gray. Through the years since then her hair has darkened while the lines on her face have deepened. To me theses are signs that she has progressed from mother, to grandmother and even great grandmother.

When I look in the mirror I see myself. My face has lines, my hair has a hint of gray but I have lived long enough to earn each line & strand of gray hair. I'm not saying I like them and sure I wish there were fewer of both however they are mine. They are a part of me. A part of who I am.

We can't change gravity or time. Some may find they will go to the knife to fix the physical flaws they see while others would have no part of it. Some have no choice but to accept the changes. I for instance have no money for a face lift but I'm not sure I would go under the knife for vanity's sake anyway.

When people look at their reflection often what is seen is deeper than our skin and hair. The problems arise when we don't accept who we are. I think when we look in the mirror it is paramount to be happy with who we are. I know when I am having a hard day I tend to be more critical of the image I see. Depression, stress and anxiety add to the changes that come naturally also making it more difficult to accept these physical changes. My well being depends on the things I have control of and the choices I make. There are things in the world I can't change and I accept that. In short my well being depends on me. When I look in the mirror I want to recognizing the aging image. I want to know who I am beneath the image and be happy with what/who I see.

After writing this I kind of understand where Mom is coming from but when I look at her I am reminded of her mother and how wonderful she was. I know Mom and her mom both earned every line and every wrinkle. For the days, weeks, and months to come Mom and I will work on getting healthier and hopefully that will help her gain a little better perspective of the image in her mirror and learn to love the old lady in the mirror. Maybe one day she will see the beautiful woman everyone else see.

BFF

My children have great friends. Through the years they have formed friendships that are deep and lasting. Many of their friends have become an extended part of our family. In ten years I imagine my children will still have a bond with many of the friends they have today along with even more friends. I can imagine it because I am friends with people I have know for more than 35 years.

I was flipping through TV channels when I can across Paris Hilton and a show where she is trying to find a new BFF (Best Friend Forever) but why? Webster defines best as "excelling all others" and friends as "one attached to another by affection or esteem." I can't imagine trying to find a best friend through a television show. Not much reality in that reality show!

My daughters would often give each other a hard time about best friends. One would say it is impossible to have more than one best friend while the other said every friend could be a best friend. I tend to disagree with both of them. It is possible to have more than one best friend but I think it would be exhausting if every friend were a best friend.

Best friend relationships take a long time to foster but are worth every moment. The best part is once the relationship is solid the effort isn't as necessary. Trust and history are the key elements in best friends. I guess it is possible to be best friends without history or trust but I predict an epic failure. You can try but is isn't worth the effort!

Best friends are those people you don't have to see every day to understand and they get you as well. They love you and every flaw you have. They may not agree with you and at times they may not even like you but they always love you!

To all of my best friends. I love you and trust you. I am so lucky to have you in my life! Thanks!!

Funny how gratitude works

One day many years ago my bishop, from church, asked me what I was grateful for. After some thought I told him my pain. He questioned my response and I said every day it reminds me that I survived the electrocution. He understood.

Later at a gathering of friends from church my bishop led us in a game of gratitude bingo. We all got blank bingo cards that we filled in with things we are grateful for. As we went around the room naming one of the things we were grateful for we got to cross off the things that matched the card of someone else. My card was filled with nothing that matched anything of someone else.

A few years after the day we played that game I started getting a *serial email that maybe rang a little similar to this blog entry. I am grateful for my bills because they are proof I have a place to live etc. It made me feel glad that I am not the only one who is a little weird about what they are grateful for.

We have puppies. Do to some kid allergies it has been a long time since I have had my own dogs. I love dogs. I am grateful for my dogs. I had forgotten how much work was involved in taking care of dogs. It didn't take long before I figured out it is worth every moment of work for the joy and companionship the puppies bring.

My least favorite dog related job is scooping poop. For me scooping poop is like washing dishes, doing laundry, or vacuuming the job never ends. Not only is scooping poop never done there is the smell, the texture of the fresh ones, the flies it attracts and the occasional "oops I didn't see that one" that make this job the worst of my daily chores.

Like my other daily chores I find gratitude in doing this job. As I do dishes I am grateful I have food to eat. When I do laundry I am grateful I have clothes to wear and the ability to do things to make them dirty. While I vacuum I am grateful for friends and loved ones who track in dirt and kids who will often help with that chore as well. I am grateful to scoop poop twice a day because I have three little dogs who give me great joy every day.

I recently had a conversation with my sister. The subject of pets came up and she complained that her girls have three dogs and they don't pick up the poop. I do that particular chore nearly every morning and again in the evening. Because some days get busier than others days it may be cut down to only once in a day. However it always gets done because there are three of them and they poop a lot!

My sister and three of her girls live in Australia. I don't think any of them will move back to the states any time soon and being so far away I miss them. I miss out on them as well. It has been years since we have seen each other and so it has been a long time since we have had a chance to hang out and make fresh memories. Every once in a while I will be doing something that reminds me of something we did together and they will pop into my head. Not nearly as often as it would if we saw each other more often.

Luckily every day as I am scooping up poop I have the added bonus of being reminded of the conversation with my sister and the nieces who like me hate to pick up poop. Funny how gratitude works.

*Serial email - the type of email you get over and over every few days because everyone seems to think it is so awesome they send it to everyone who send it to everyone and so on.

The Mountains Saved Me

Recently my cousin came to visit. We were all headed out for a late summer dinner when she commented on how beautiful the local mountains are when you can see them through the haze. We all agreed and rattled off other ranges we all like as well.

I told her the local mountains have a special place in my heart. She asked why and I said they had saved me. She asked what I meant and I told her I'd tell her the kind of long story some day. That made her ask all the more fervently. I finally caved and told her a brief version of the story of my beautiful local mountains. Here is a bit more of the story.

My ex and I broke up shortly after my second son was born. We were in a tough place at the time. We had been house sitting when he split. A few weeks later I lost the house sitting and was temporarily living with his sister. Her daughter was watching the boys for me while I worked. One day my ex came by and took our sons while I was at work. My ex was an addict. I got my sons back but was suddenly homeless with no sitter. Not only that I had no car either. I ended up trading with a friend for a cheap car. We spent our nights sleeping here and there with friends. I even parked in the driveways of people I knew after I was sure they were in for the night and would leave early in the morning. I took my kids to work with me and did what I could to get by.

The problem with living like that is it is near impossible to save money. Every meal was eaten out or convenience type foods, laundry done in laundromats, using tons of gas and bandaging my rust bucket of a car together every few days, buying diapers and taking care of the daily needs of my sons made saving money a daunting task. I was constantly in fear someone would discover my situation and turn us in to the authorities. I was certain the authorities would take my kids away if they only knew.

I was sure my friends would eventually burn out. I felt like we were taking advantage of them. We hit a pretty good groove for weekends. I had a friend whose parents went out of town every weekend on Friday and came back Sunday night. (They were building a business about two hours north of their home.) My friend loved my need for domesticity that set in after being homeless for so long. Finally I had a place to do laundry, make home cooked meals and wash dishes. I felt like it was a good trade. I'd cook and clean while we were there. After not being able to do daily chores for so long they became simple pleasures.

Weekdays were a different story. One day on my day off I was looking for a new place to park. I began to get a little discouraged and decided to take my boys up the canyon to play in the creek. We stayed until dusk because I didn't feel safe parking alone in the canyon. As I drove down the canyon we noticed what looked like a couple of fire pits to the left of the road. I looked for a place to pull off to get a closer look and found a parking lot near a wash. There were about 10 cars and trucks parked with people camping out in the wash. We got out to look at the fire and one family invited the boys and I to sit near their fire. We joined them roasting hot dogs & marshmallows and listened as a guy nearby played his guitar. We ended up pulling out our sleeping bags and spending the night in the back of my car (the back seat folded flat.)

I got up the next morning and drove to work. It seemed natural to drive back up the canyon after work and join our new friends for the evening. I stopped at the store on the way up for a few staples. We shared our food and another fire that night and again curled up in the back of my car to sleep. This pattern of my friends house on the weekend and the canyon during the week gave me a sense of home that I hadn't felt in months.

In just a few days my kids were loved by our new found friends in the canyon. I discovered we were not the only homeless ones. There were about four other families that were living full time in the canyon. One family stayed there day and night while dad went to look for work and did day jobs. We all shared this secret that we worried outsiders would figure out, judge us and turn us in. It wasn't like a tent city you'd see in the news today. It was clean. It felt very innocent. Families would come and go often with a few of us there every night. We were just camping until we had something more permanent. On the weekend we had a soft bed, a warm shower and home cooking. Since we were camping I didn't fear someone would take my boys away.

In time our situation changed but for a few months the mountains were our safe haven. The place we went when nobody else had a place for us. The place with friends who for a time welcomed us in and felt like family. The place where we knew we could be ourselves and enjoy nature. A beautiful place that smelled woodsy and clean even in the middle of the dirt. A place of discovery with bugs, lizards, frogs, birds and an occasional snake. Somewhere cool in the evenings and warm in the day. The beautiful mountains that for a while saved me and my boys.

Favorite love stories

Strangely enough one of my favorite love stories is my grandfather (on my fathers side.) As a youth man he fell in love with a local girl. He lived in a very small town with few opportunities. At that time the oldest son was afforded whatever the family had. They inherited and were often the only ones educated. This was the case for my grandfather's family and as the second son there was no money left to get an education after his brother went to school to become a teacher. Nor was their land to tend when the oldest son decided teaching was not for him and returned home to tend the family's land.

My grandfather couldn't make a living in his little hometown. He had no choice but to move away. The girl he loved however would not leave her mother. My grandfather made his way south and eventually landed in California where he was urged to marry an eligible woman of his faith by his clergyman. She also eventually they married another. They both had children of their own and raised their families.

After my grandmother died my grandfather decided he was going to live with us. Our family found a tri-level home with a kitchenette, bathroom, bedroom and living area of the bottom floor. Before the big move my grandfather decided to go on a fishing trip where he could visit with his remaining siblings and friends he grew up with. While gone he ran into his childhood flame. She had divorced. They soon discovered their love had never dimmed. They married and lived happily ever after. (Note: I was young and didn't hear the truth of the story until years later. So when they married and even after she died I didn't like her much.)

My brother and his wife are also a favorite love story of mine. When my mom remarried, she and her new husband went with his best friends on weekend trips and vacations together. They always had a good time and they always invited my brother and while their friends invited their daughter. When my brother went with them their daughter didn't and their daughter went when he didn't. After about 6 years they finally really met and that was all it took. They both say if they had met earlier they would probably not have even looked at each other that way. The time it took for them to meet was just enough time for them both to mature and be ready for the kind of commitment needed in a relationship. Funny how things turn out.

I love a good love story.

What happened to committed relationships?

Whatever happened to committed relationships? The kind of people who marry with the goal of living a lifetime together. When my son met his wife he told me he met the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I asked him why he thought he would like to spend the rest of his life with this particular girl and he said,"She will be even more beautiful when she is old and wrinkled."

These days relationships have become more of a casual exchange and no big deal. It seems that commitment has become a thing of the past. I wish we could go back to a more innocent time. I time when people took the idea of finding someone to spend their life with worth doing.

There are groups of people who believe a marriage should always begin with a courtship. They say a courtship should not involve an exchange of physical contact except for holding hands as a way of staying pure. While others believe an exchange of kisses is okay in a courtship as long as time together is chaperoned. I can understand the keeping pure part. Some say exchanging more than that will cause you to losing a piece of yourself. I don't necessarily agree.

If when you love someone you give a little of your self away. Then it is more like an exchange. You give a little and they give a little. In return you both have an opportunity to grow. There is no loss, simply a little exchange.

It may be possible to give too much of yourself away. To dive in so deep you don't take as much as you give. In that case there could be a loss. That kind of loss happens when one of two scenarios occur. Either when a couple are too new and go too far to fast or when a couple has committed and one side quits giving and the other compensates to try to maintain balance. It is a sad state of affairs when that happens.

I am never certain how people can invest years in a relationship and walk away without thinking about it. What ever happened to "for better or worse?"

Family is Family

I've heard it said that before we are born we know where we are headed. If that is true I wonder if we get a chance to pick the family we want or is it a random thing? I'm guessing you don't get to choose. My family is a little quirky some I don't like to claim but wonderful for the most part.

The common thread with humans is everyone has a family. We all start with a mom and dad. Who for some parents may only last moments but we all have a parental unit. It may be that our parents are adoptive, foster, grandparents or other guardians. A parental unit being our mother and father figure. It may even be that our mother and father figure are the same person but it still works out that we have a guide throughout the beginning of our lives. I had a great mom and a great step dad. He came later but he was a good one.

Some of us have siblings. I have five brothers and two sisters I claim as mine. I grew up with a little brother and an older sister. At 19 I gained a second older sister. She claims she picked us. A couple of years later I met my little brother and then next and then the next. All three little brothers came with the same biological father and a step mom. My oldest brother and I met when I was 27 only this one was from my mom and different father. All five brothers bring me great joy. My sisters can really be a challenge but they are keepers for sure. Maybe it's a girl thing for me.

Our extended family always felt close. When I was a kid my mom's family got together at least once a year. Usually our visits were in the summer or during school holiday breaks. Mom's brothers both lived in Utah and her parents were about half way. We'd make our way to see one or some and spend a week or more each time. We always had a blast doing it. Seeing them even once a year made me feel connected. My father's family (for my first 8 years) lived only a few minutes away and we saw them often. Once my grandmother died my uncle went into an assisted living home (he had down syndrome) and my grandfather got remarried and moved away. I didn't see any of them much once they moved.

As my family aged and began our own families we didn't get together with the cousins as much. We had reunions and would make an effort to see each other when we could but it can be years between visits. We keep in contact through our parents and by cards or phone. Once we hit adulthood we all got so busy there just wasn't as much time. The sense of family we shared has been one through distance but never faded even when our contact with each other lessened.

My siblings were scattering and starting their own lives and families. We manage to get together for holidays and birthdays whenever we could. The dynamics of my family with 4 of my 5 brothers having different one different parent, the one sister who has kept distant and one sister who was an addition with my step dad made getting us all in the same room at the same time a rarity. A rarity that has to date never occurred. Usually one or more of us is always missing. At my son's wedding we had all 5 boys in the same room. That was awesome. I keep hoping that we will one day all make it happen but it does not seem likely. Our children are forming the same kinds of bonds we had with our cousins. Their proximity makes it a little easier for most of them to get together. There is 1 out of state and 3 out of country which make visiting a little tougher.

I have witnessed people without living family or whose family is far away or whose family is so dysfunctional they chose to join other family groups. They either adopt the families of others or establish a tight knit a group of friends or co-workers they bond with. For a while my family was a part of an extended family unit of friends. My ex and I moved to Utah in 1986 we bonded with his cousins and my aunt & uncle. When we moved to Oklahoma in 1992, we bonded with old friends who had moved to Oklahoma as well. We did holidays, birthdays and special occasions together. It was great.

I understand how hard it is to keep close when you live far away. Thank goodness for the internet. We are so lucky today with a few keystrokes we can stay in touch with an exchange of words and photos. After finishing school in Oklahoma I found myself drawn back to my family in California. I wanted my children to know their grandparents before their grandparents were gone. I wanted my kids to know my brothers and sisters. I wanted them to know their cousins. We were successful but both my step dad and biological father passed since we returned but not before my kids got to know them. They hang out with cousins and have fun doing it.

Since returning to California I have made the effort to take my kids to see their father's parents and siblings. I never was able to connect with his siblings and his parents have made no effort to make a connection. The visits ended up being uncomfortable for my kids. They felt unwelcome. Their grandmother spent most of the time talking about how great her other grandchildren are and how spoiled they have become. I can't figure out why his family make no effort to get to know their own family. This feeling has been magnified since becoming a grandmother myself. They live about an hour away and never invite the kids to come over for holidays or birthdays. They don't even call for birthdays or holidays. I'm not sure if it is because my ex is an ex or if they are just so dysfunctional on their own. The only thing I do know is that they are missing out. My children would only enhance their lives.

The truth is family is family. You can't pick them but you can make the best of the ones you got.

The color of my thumb

When I was a kid I had a green thumb. I could make anything grow. I had no knowledge or training but seemed to instinctively know when & how much to water and when & how much to feed. I was able to understand shade, direct and indirect sunlight. As I got older I started raising kids. I couldn't get anything to grow anymore. It was like the kid switch came on and the plants switch flipped off. My thumb went to some odd shade of brown along with every plant I tried to grow. I gave up on plants. Oh people gave me a house plant here and there and I even had a feeble looking herb garden in the kitchen window once but nothing substantial for twenty years.

After moving back to CA I tried growing plants again. Where we moved was an entirely different type of climate. The winters dipped lower than freezing and summers had triple digits for days on end. If I had to blame something I'd blame the climate. It could be me being out of practice too though.

My yard was empty. No trees, bushes, grass or anything. It was a blank slate ready for anything. I decided on putting grass in the front yard first. Nearly every year I broke up soil, fertilized, planted seed and watered. Every year I had birds, a late freeze, early scorcher, or a kid who over watered. I tried unsuccessfully to grow trees managing to kill 9. Until my son's dog ate them I was had a pretty good start on tomatoes and berries. I was hopeful but the dog stayed about a year. He even ate the tomato cages so while he was with us I gave up on growing anything. When he left I decided to put rock in the front yard. I went with large, 6 to 10 inch, smooth rock. I loved the rock but ended up with weeds like crazy after that.

My philosophy on plants changed since I was young I loved everything green and flowering was an extra bonus. In my twenties I developed allergies and discovered how much work went into keeping a yard looking nice. I loved mowing but weeding and trimming was never fun for me. Now my philosophy on plants is plants need to have a purpose. Grass is pretty but not necessary trees are nice if they bear fruit or belong to someone else. I have the same theory on plants and bushes too. If they are mine they better have the secondary benefit of something edible. Watering plants takes time and money. I find it kind of pointless unless there is a payback. The exceptions are keeping tree roots down and keeping the grass green. Remember I had a rock covered front yard I loved. Today I'd say AstroTurf with padding would be awesome or maybe a jungle of fruit and veggies.

Weeds never have invaded any garden I've had. I hear people either complain or saying how they become close to nature while working the weeds out of the garden. For some there is the therapeutic value to gardening I guess it's kind of calming. Not so much a calming or therapeutic thing for me. In California it seems like every year we are in a drought but I'll water for a purpose. If I put in time watering and weeding I like the exchange of fruit or veggies.

House plant are nice. When I was a teen and into my twenties I had tons of them. I had cactus, spider plants, vines, herb, violets and anything anyone gave me. It was a time of terrariums. Then I starting raising my kids and began unintentionally killing off the indoor plants. Houseplants tend to outgrow their pots and require regular watering. I replaced them with the easy to hose the dust off maintenance of silk houseplants. While I lived in Oklahoma I had some success with a few houseplants people gave me here and one there. When I moved back to California it seemed I was doomed to kill them off again. I am caring for three right now that are not dead but not thriving either.

I recently got brave and planted a few veggies and fruits. The plants are really growing like crazy but the veggies appear for a little bit then they just wither and fall off. We did harvest one zucchini and two tomatoes so far. There are a few dozen tomatoes and a couple of bell peppers too. For some plants it is too early but the others are just stinkers. My thumb appears to be more green than brown now but I'm working on it.

We have several pretty green tomatoes










a couple of tiny bell peppers



and far only one really big zucchini


but one day we will have cucumbers and melons too.


Gardens are beautiful. Mine is small and among the wilted leaves it has it's beauty too. I do love the lush green, the bright white and yellow flowers and the yummy fresh produce on the table.

Is love possible

Is it possible to love someone you haven't met yet? If you hear and see enough about someone anything is possible. Do I mean a deep passionate lasting kind of love? No but it's a start and in time, with work who knows.

Is it possible to love someone if they don't know it? I have said you can love someone you haven't met so sure you can have a one sided love. When you are around someone enough to get to really get to know them it is possible to fall in love. The trick is to not let things get out of hand. Friendship is usually the first step to falling in love.

Is it possible to love someone if they don't feel the same way? Love is a two way street. It is possible but if it is not reciprocated it is unhealthy and can be a problem. It takes two. If you find yourself in love that is not returned move on. If you are on the receiving end don't be cruel by taking advantage of the situation. Make sure to make your intentions very clear and be merciful.

Is it possible to love someone if you have never kissed or held hands before? Absolutely. Love based on friendship starts in a way that is more natural. It develops slowly into real love that allows for feelings to grow long before a hand is held or a kiss is shared. Getting physical too soon will sometimes stop real love before it has a chance to develop.

Is it possible to love someone if you have only been best friends? The best loves develop this way. Best friends really know each other and finding that bond in a relationship is a great gift. Being best friends does not mean love will kindle it only means it is possible.

Is it possible to live your life without ever knowing love? Yes but I don't recommend it.

One Became Two & Two Became Three

When I was a little girl we had a dog named Lady. We loved Lady. She was a best friend to all of us. Lady was very smart. She was a guard dog and a playmate.She was a good sport letting us play dress up and dance with her too. My favorite was her version of hide and go seek. She was a cheater with her keen sense of smell she could find us in a second or two and with her size she could hide anywhere.

Fast forward to about two years ago. I have five brothers. The one I grew up with (long story) got two puppies. They got two because the girls didn't seem to want to be separated and were both so cute it was too hard to chose just one. They looked a lot like our Lady did. When he showed me his new dogs I asked if he had planned to breed them. He said they were thinking about it. Some experts say female dogs will have a better temperament if she has been bred. I took dibs then and there.

This is Maggie
& Mandie

They decided to breed and at the time promised one to Mom, one to her mom, one to her brother and one to me. They purchased a male because the cost of the male was half of the fee to breed the girls twice. They got Buddy.

I was so excited to get a puppy like the one I had as a kid but I wasn't sure how that would work after coming to care for my mom.

Both dogs became pregnant not long af ter having become Mom's caregiver. They were only about six weeks apart. This was an exciting time. I decided it would be a good thing because my puppy and Mom's puppy would have each other to play with. After all dogs are pack animals and tend do better in groups anyway. So my one dog became our two dogs.
The first litter came for Thanksgiving. There was one girl and three boys. Mom wanted a girl.

The girl was a shaded blond with a fairly good disposition. Mom named her Lucy after her mother but kept calling her Lady. Now she is officially Lady Lucy.


I chose the red. He was loving and calm. The kids named him Jasper. We got to bring them home around the first of the year shortly after the second litter arrived. In that litter there were two white and three black. They looked like a double stuff Oreo cookie.
Well sort of anyway.

Until they had their shots they were confined to the house. We put a 4x4 pen in the living room but during the day when people could watch them they were let out to have the run of the house most of the day. They have a variety of toys and love a good rawhide bone. They would "bury" their toys and rawhide bones under furniture.

One day in February I had some time to kill when I was picking my son up for work. I went to see the puppies that were days away from going to their new homes. I had seen them the day they were born but hadn't seen them since. They were so cute. One particular black one crawled up into my lap and cuddled. She was so little and so sweet. I told my brother I wanted her. He said if I was serious I could have her but to make sure Mom was okay with a third dog. At that point at home we had her dog and my dog so bringing in the third dog was a good thing and they all became our dogs.

Once all three were given their parvo shots they were able to begin going out some. They learned how leashes worked. They get too excited and still get tangled up too easily to really go with one person. I always wondered how the dog walkers do it.

Now that they have had their rabies shots we pulled the back yard together. The jungle is now cleared and there is a portion fenced off for the turtle.

There is a dog door so they can come in and out when they want. Ironically ever since then they have had access to the yard there has been drizzle and rain and they stay in the kitchen. We have gated them into into the kitchen at this point. I'm sure once they are a little older we will give them full access to the house. Right now they tend to chew cords... phone charger cords, computer cords, game cords, light cords... any cords they can find. They have occasional accidents so until they catch on they need to be contained in the kitchen and yard.


Lady is beautiful. Her coat is a rich looking dark blond with shaded swirls through her back and tail. She has a regal look about her. She wants attention all the time and is a bit of a whiny girl. She is less likely to go run around outside and prefers to lay around more than the other two.


Jasper is our protector. He barks at not just new people but all the new unfamiliar or unexpected sounds or shadows. His coat is a deep red and so very soft. He holds his rawhide with both paws like a baby would hold a bottle and it is comical to watch. He is still the calm one.


Huni Bear is the alpha dog. From moment one she wanted those big dogs to know she was in charge. Her coat is soft black with reddish tan markings. She is the one who is most accepting of visitors. She is a little hyperactive and easily distracted. She growls like a bear but is sweet like honey.


My brothers two became three and our one became our two and finally our three.


They are never apart for long.

They have grown into their true colors and still love to hang out together. They sleep together, eat together and get into things together.

The home front

I have become the primary caregiver for Mom. She is not an invalid but she has enough health problems that she requires help and lots of it. Getting older is hard. Things begin to sag and wrinkle, the memory fades, tasks that were once easy suddenly and inexplicably become difficult or in some cases impossible. When my dad got older and needed help he would get so frustrated and now mom is in the same boat. She hates to even admit she needs help of any kind but usually accepts the help and eventually shows her gratitude.

The house I live in is very small and filled with five people. We all pitch in taking care of Mom/Gramie since we all work different shifts. It is crowded yes but in my case not a bad thing because I love these people. The noise level can be pretty high here. Until recently the ability to be alone for any length of time was near impossible.

Soon after moving here we got a puppy. Well kind of two puppies. One for me and one for Mom. She has a hard enough time taking care of herself so most of the puppy care landed on me and the kids. Six weeks later we fell in love with a puppy from the second litter that just happened to be homeless. They were confined to the house until they got their shots and the yard was dog ready.

These days it seems I am always cooking and cleaning when I am not at work outside the house. Everyone pitches in some and we manage pretty well. My daughter can cook and she shares the cooking, everyone does laundry and helps out where they can. We are getting good at it.

The yards have been neglected. Mom had this gardener who did not speak English and barely did a thing. He was rarely given access to the back yard because he came when Mom had doctor appointments and she would forget to leave the gate unlocked. We had a lot of rain this year and the backyard turned into a jungle. I have trimmed more trees and bushes in the last two months than I have in the last ten years. I am beginning to see why my brother is known by some as a tree hater. The tree hater came by and with his son and with the assistance of me and my son we got the yard dog ready. Yeah!

With the front and back yards in order our living area has increased by three. The front porch is a relaxing place to spend the cool morning or evening hours. The porch is too small for more than one or two but we have fit four before. I find the solitude on the front porch in the morning nice. The backyard is less relaxing but more enjoyable with the puppies, the turtle and the million bugs and birds that keep us company. There are little shady spots nearly all day that act as an extension of living space as well when it isn't raining that is.

The home front is still home. The space and duties may have changed but home is still home.

Someone recently asked if I believe in love...

Someone recently asked if I believe in love. I do. I think everyone should have the chance to experience love at least once in a lifetime. I strongly recommend falling in love at least once.

To really fall in love is an experience equaled by no other. The act is an investment and takes work to develop, nurture and retain. Often times people will put in some time and then just give up. For some people work is a negative thing no matter how wonderful the outcome may be.

I believe the key to loving someone is to understand that there is a distinct difference between being "in love" and loving someone. Being "in love" can be fleeting but loving someone has staying power. The problems arise when people confuse the two.

Being "in love" is generally that giddy feeling in the beginning of a relationship. I've heard it referred to the honeymoon phase or the dating phase. Couples are putting their best foot forward. They try harder to be the best they can be. In the early stages of a relationship, pretty much every flaw can be overlooked and possibly not even seen. Kind of the "rose colored glasses" phase in a relationship. For the on looker watching someone ignore what they see as glaring flaws can be difficult to observe. The observer does not have on the "rose colored glasses." Although flaws to the observer are hard to ignore. For the participants this is the time errors in judgment are more often made.

The giddiness of being "in love" is awesome. Better than awesome is when couples stay in a relationship long enough to find the deeper level of love and find they are also still "in love." Those are the best kind of relationships! I describe one of my brothers and his wife as "the newlyweds." They are at 20 years now. They never really left the honeymoon phase and I could not be happier for them. I wish everyone could find deep true love and stay in love...

I have personally witnessed "love at first site." Sadly I haven't seen many of those relationships develop into the deeper love that only time brings. It is possible to get there though. Loving someone is when you want to grow old together. When you can't imagine your life without him or her. When you are willing to make changes to make each other happy. When you consider yourself a part of two.

Love is unconditional. Which means that most annoying things can be tolerated or even become an endearing feature. I think it is okay to overlook flaws as long as they don't bother you and do not harm others.

Love is risky you can get hurt. Love is however worth the risk so take it. Love takes effort. Keep working at it or you will be wasting your time. Love can heal.

Love can uplift. Love can strengthen. Love is powerful. Yes I believe in love.