Strangely enough one of my favorite love stories is my grandfather (on my fathers side.) As a youth man he fell in love with a local girl. He lived in a very small town with few opportunities. At that time the oldest son was afforded whatever the family had. They inherited and were often the only ones educated. This was the case for my grandfather's family and as the second son there was no money left to get an education after his brother went to school to become a teacher. Nor was their land to tend when the oldest son decided teaching was not for him and returned home to tend the family's land.
My grandfather couldn't make a living in his little hometown. He had no choice but to move away. The girl he loved however would not leave her mother. My grandfather made his way south and eventually landed in California where he was urged to marry an eligible woman of his faith by his clergyman. She also eventually they married another. They both had children of their own and raised their families.
After my grandmother died my grandfather decided he was going to live with us. Our family found a tri-level home with a kitchenette, bathroom, bedroom and living area of the bottom floor. Before the big move my grandfather decided to go on a fishing trip where he could visit with his remaining siblings and friends he grew up with. While gone he ran into his childhood flame. She had divorced. They soon discovered their love had never dimmed. They married and lived happily ever after. (Note: I was young and didn't hear the truth of the story until years later. So when they married and even after she died I didn't like her much.)
My brother and his wife are also a favorite love story of mine. When my mom remarried, she and her new husband went with his best friends on weekend trips and vacations together. They always had a good time and they always invited my brother and while their friends invited their daughter. When my brother went with them their daughter didn't and their daughter went when he didn't. After about 6 years they finally really met and that was all it took. They both say if they had met earlier they would probably not have even looked at each other that way. The time it took for them to meet was just enough time for them both to mature and be ready for the kind of commitment needed in a relationship. Funny how things turn out.
I love a good love story.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
What happened to committed relationships?
Whatever happened to committed relationships? The kind of people who marry with the goal of living a lifetime together. When my son met his wife he told me he met the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I asked him why he thought he would like to spend the rest of his life with this particular girl and he said,"She will be even more beautiful when she is old and wrinkled."
These days relationships have become more of a casual exchange and no big deal. It seems that commitment has become a thing of the past. I wish we could go back to a more innocent time. I time when people took the idea of finding someone to spend their life with worth doing.
There are groups of people who believe a marriage should always begin with a courtship. They say a courtship should not involve an exchange of physical contact except for holding hands as a way of staying pure. While others believe an exchange of kisses is okay in a courtship as long as time together is chaperoned. I can understand the keeping pure part. Some say exchanging more than that will cause you to losing a piece of yourself. I don't necessarily agree.
If when you love someone you give a little of your self away. Then it is more like an exchange. You give a little and they give a little. In return you both have an opportunity to grow. There is no loss, simply a little exchange.
It may be possible to give too much of yourself away. To dive in so deep you don't take as much as you give. In that case there could be a loss. That kind of loss happens when one of two scenarios occur. Either when a couple are too new and go too far to fast or when a couple has committed and one side quits giving and the other compensates to try to maintain balance. It is a sad state of affairs when that happens.
I am never certain how people can invest years in a relationship and walk away without thinking about it. What ever happened to "for better or worse?"
These days relationships have become more of a casual exchange and no big deal. It seems that commitment has become a thing of the past. I wish we could go back to a more innocent time. I time when people took the idea of finding someone to spend their life with worth doing.
There are groups of people who believe a marriage should always begin with a courtship. They say a courtship should not involve an exchange of physical contact except for holding hands as a way of staying pure. While others believe an exchange of kisses is okay in a courtship as long as time together is chaperoned. I can understand the keeping pure part. Some say exchanging more than that will cause you to losing a piece of yourself. I don't necessarily agree.
If when you love someone you give a little of your self away. Then it is more like an exchange. You give a little and they give a little. In return you both have an opportunity to grow. There is no loss, simply a little exchange.
It may be possible to give too much of yourself away. To dive in so deep you don't take as much as you give. In that case there could be a loss. That kind of loss happens when one of two scenarios occur. Either when a couple are too new and go too far to fast or when a couple has committed and one side quits giving and the other compensates to try to maintain balance. It is a sad state of affairs when that happens.
I am never certain how people can invest years in a relationship and walk away without thinking about it. What ever happened to "for better or worse?"
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Family is Family
I've heard it said that before we are born we know where we are headed. If that is true I wonder if we get a chance to pick the family we want or is it a random thing? I'm guessing you don't get to choose. My family is a little quirky some I don't like to claim but wonderful for the most part.
The common thread with humans is everyone has a family. We all start with a mom and dad. Who for some parents may only last moments but we all have a parental unit. It may be that our parents are adoptive, foster, grandparents or other guardians. A parental unit being our mother and father figure. It may even be that our mother and father figure are the same person but it still works out that we have a guide throughout the beginning of our lives. I had a great mom and a great step dad. He came later but he was a good one.
Some of us have siblings. I have five brothers and two sisters I claim as mine. I grew up with a little brother and an older sister. At 19 I gained a second older sister. She claims she picked us. A couple of years later I met my little brother and then next and then the next. All three little brothers came with the same biological father and a step mom. My oldest brother and I met when I was 27 only this one was from my mom and different father. All five brothers bring me great joy. My sisters can really be a challenge but they are keepers for sure. Maybe it's a girl thing for me.
Our extended family always felt close. When I was a kid my mom's family got together at least once a year. Usually our visits were in the summer or during school holiday breaks. Mom's brothers both lived in Utah and her parents were about half way. We'd make our way to see one or some and spend a week or more each time. We always had a blast doing it. Seeing them even once a year made me feel connected. My father's family (for my first 8 years) lived only a few minutes away and we saw them often. Once my grandmother died my uncle went into an assisted living home (he had down syndrome) and my grandfather got remarried and moved away. I didn't see any of them much once they moved.
As my family aged and began our own families we didn't get together with the cousins as much. We had reunions and would make an effort to see each other when we could but it can be years between visits. We keep in contact through our parents and by cards or phone. Once we hit adulthood we all got so busy there just wasn't as much time. The sense of family we shared has been one through distance but never faded even when our contact with each other lessened.
My siblings were scattering and starting their own lives and families. We manage to get together for holidays and birthdays whenever we could. The dynamics of my family with 4 of my 5 brothers having different one different parent, the one sister who has kept distant and one sister who was an addition with my step dad made getting us all in the same room at the same time a rarity. A rarity that has to date never occurred. Usually one or more of us is always missing. At my son's wedding we had all 5 boys in the same room. That was awesome. I keep hoping that we will one day all make it happen but it does not seem likely. Our children are forming the same kinds of bonds we had with our cousins. Their proximity makes it a little easier for most of them to get together. There is 1 out of state and 3 out of country which make visiting a little tougher.
I have witnessed people without living family or whose family is far away or whose family is so dysfunctional they chose to join other family groups. They either adopt the families of others or establish a tight knit a group of friends or co-workers they bond with. For a while my family was a part of an extended family unit of friends. My ex and I moved to Utah in 1986 we bonded with his cousins and my aunt & uncle. When we moved to Oklahoma in 1992, we bonded with old friends who had moved to Oklahoma as well. We did holidays, birthdays and special occasions together. It was great.
I understand how hard it is to keep close when you live far away. Thank goodness for the internet. We are so lucky today with a few keystrokes we can stay in touch with an exchange of words and photos. After finishing school in Oklahoma I found myself drawn back to my family in California. I wanted my children to know their grandparents before their grandparents were gone. I wanted my kids to know my brothers and sisters. I wanted them to know their cousins. We were successful but both my step dad and biological father passed since we returned but not before my kids got to know them. They hang out with cousins and have fun doing it.
Since returning to California I have made the effort to take my kids to see their father's parents and siblings. I never was able to connect with his siblings and his parents have made no effort to make a connection. The visits ended up being uncomfortable for my kids. They felt unwelcome. Their grandmother spent most of the time talking about how great her other grandchildren are and how spoiled they have become. I can't figure out why his family make no effort to get to know their own family. This feeling has been magnified since becoming a grandmother myself. They live about an hour away and never invite the kids to come over for holidays or birthdays. They don't even call for birthdays or holidays. I'm not sure if it is because my ex is an ex or if they are just so dysfunctional on their own. The only thing I do know is that they are missing out. My children would only enhance their lives.
The truth is family is family. You can't pick them but you can make the best of the ones you got.
The common thread with humans is everyone has a family. We all start with a mom and dad. Who for some parents may only last moments but we all have a parental unit. It may be that our parents are adoptive, foster, grandparents or other guardians. A parental unit being our mother and father figure. It may even be that our mother and father figure are the same person but it still works out that we have a guide throughout the beginning of our lives. I had a great mom and a great step dad. He came later but he was a good one.
Some of us have siblings. I have five brothers and two sisters I claim as mine. I grew up with a little brother and an older sister. At 19 I gained a second older sister. She claims she picked us. A couple of years later I met my little brother and then next and then the next. All three little brothers came with the same biological father and a step mom. My oldest brother and I met when I was 27 only this one was from my mom and different father. All five brothers bring me great joy. My sisters can really be a challenge but they are keepers for sure. Maybe it's a girl thing for me.
Our extended family always felt close. When I was a kid my mom's family got together at least once a year. Usually our visits were in the summer or during school holiday breaks. Mom's brothers both lived in Utah and her parents were about half way. We'd make our way to see one or some and spend a week or more each time. We always had a blast doing it. Seeing them even once a year made me feel connected. My father's family (for my first 8 years) lived only a few minutes away and we saw them often. Once my grandmother died my uncle went into an assisted living home (he had down syndrome) and my grandfather got remarried and moved away. I didn't see any of them much once they moved.
As my family aged and began our own families we didn't get together with the cousins as much. We had reunions and would make an effort to see each other when we could but it can be years between visits. We keep in contact through our parents and by cards or phone. Once we hit adulthood we all got so busy there just wasn't as much time. The sense of family we shared has been one through distance but never faded even when our contact with each other lessened.
My siblings were scattering and starting their own lives and families. We manage to get together for holidays and birthdays whenever we could. The dynamics of my family with 4 of my 5 brothers having different one different parent, the one sister who has kept distant and one sister who was an addition with my step dad made getting us all in the same room at the same time a rarity. A rarity that has to date never occurred. Usually one or more of us is always missing. At my son's wedding we had all 5 boys in the same room. That was awesome. I keep hoping that we will one day all make it happen but it does not seem likely. Our children are forming the same kinds of bonds we had with our cousins. Their proximity makes it a little easier for most of them to get together. There is 1 out of state and 3 out of country which make visiting a little tougher.
I have witnessed people without living family or whose family is far away or whose family is so dysfunctional they chose to join other family groups. They either adopt the families of others or establish a tight knit a group of friends or co-workers they bond with. For a while my family was a part of an extended family unit of friends. My ex and I moved to Utah in 1986 we bonded with his cousins and my aunt & uncle. When we moved to Oklahoma in 1992, we bonded with old friends who had moved to Oklahoma as well. We did holidays, birthdays and special occasions together. It was great.
I understand how hard it is to keep close when you live far away. Thank goodness for the internet. We are so lucky today with a few keystrokes we can stay in touch with an exchange of words and photos. After finishing school in Oklahoma I found myself drawn back to my family in California. I wanted my children to know their grandparents before their grandparents were gone. I wanted my kids to know my brothers and sisters. I wanted them to know their cousins. We were successful but both my step dad and biological father passed since we returned but not before my kids got to know them. They hang out with cousins and have fun doing it.
Since returning to California I have made the effort to take my kids to see their father's parents and siblings. I never was able to connect with his siblings and his parents have made no effort to make a connection. The visits ended up being uncomfortable for my kids. They felt unwelcome. Their grandmother spent most of the time talking about how great her other grandchildren are and how spoiled they have become. I can't figure out why his family make no effort to get to know their own family. This feeling has been magnified since becoming a grandmother myself. They live about an hour away and never invite the kids to come over for holidays or birthdays. They don't even call for birthdays or holidays. I'm not sure if it is because my ex is an ex or if they are just so dysfunctional on their own. The only thing I do know is that they are missing out. My children would only enhance their lives.
The truth is family is family. You can't pick them but you can make the best of the ones you got.
Monday, June 15, 2009
The color of my thumb
When I was a kid I had a green thumb. I could make anything grow. I had no knowledge or training but seemed to instinctively know when & how much to water and when & how much to feed. I was able to understand shade, direct and indirect sunlight. As I got older I started raising kids. I couldn't get anything to grow anymore. It was like the kid switch came on and the plants switch flipped off. My thumb went to some odd shade of brown along with every plant I tried to grow. I gave up on plants. Oh people gave me a house plant here and there and I even had a feeble looking herb garden in the kitchen window once but nothing substantial for twenty years.
After moving back to CA I tried growing plants again. Where we moved was an entirely different type of climate. The winters dipped lower than freezing and summers had triple digits for days on end. If I had to blame something I'd blame the climate. It could be me being out of practice too though.
My yard was empty. No trees, bushes, grass or anything. It was a blank slate ready for anything. I decided on putting grass in the front yard first. Nearly every year I broke up soil, fertilized, planted seed and watered. Every year I had birds, a late freeze, early scorcher, or a kid who over watered. I tried unsuccessfully to grow trees managing to kill 9. Until my son's dog ate them I was had a pretty good start on tomatoes and berries. I was hopeful but the dog stayed about a year. He even ate the tomato cages so while he was with us I gave up on growing anything. When he left I decided to put rock in the front yard. I went with large, 6 to 10 inch, smooth rock. I loved the rock but ended up with weeds like crazy after that.
My philosophy on plants changed since I was young I loved everything green and flowering was an extra bonus. In my twenties I developed allergies and discovered how much work went into keeping a yard looking nice. I loved mowing but weeding and trimming was never fun for me. Now my philosophy on plants is plants need to have a purpose. Grass is pretty but not necessary trees are nice if they bear fruit or belong to someone else. I have the same theory on plants and bushes too. If they are mine they better have the secondary benefit of something edible. Watering plants takes time and money. I find it kind of pointless unless there is a payback. The exceptions are keeping tree roots down and keeping the grass green. Remember I had a rock covered front yard I loved. Today I'd say AstroTurf with padding would be awesome or maybe a jungle of fruit and veggies.
Weeds never have invaded any garden I've had. I hear people either complain or saying how they become close to nature while working the weeds out of the garden. For some there is the therapeutic value to gardening I guess it's kind of calming. Not so much a calming or therapeutic thing for me. In California it seems like every year we are in a drought but I'll water for a purpose. If I put in time watering and weeding I like the exchange of fruit or veggies.
House plant are nice. When I was a teen and into my twenties I had tons of them. I had cactus, spider plants, vines, herb, violets and anything anyone gave me. It was a time of terrariums. Then I starting raising my kids and began unintentionally killing off the indoor plants. Houseplants tend to outgrow their pots and require regular watering. I replaced them with the easy to hose the dust off maintenance of silk houseplants. While I lived in Oklahoma I had some success with a few houseplants people gave me here and one there. When I moved back to California it seemed I was doomed to kill them off again. I am caring for three right now that are not dead but not thriving either.
I recently got brave and planted a few veggies and fruits. The plants are really growing like crazy but the veggies appear for a little bit then they just wither and fall off. We did harvest one zucchini and two tomatoes so far. There are a few dozen tomatoes and a couple of bell peppers too. For some plants it is too early but the others are just stinkers. My thumb appears to be more green than brown now but I'm working on it.
We have several pretty green tomatoes
a couple of tiny bell peppers
and far only one really big zucchini
but one day we will have cucumbers and melons too.
Gardens are beautiful. Mine is small and among the wilted leaves it has it's beauty too. I do love the lush green, the bright white and yellow flowers and the yummy fresh produce on the table.
After moving back to CA I tried growing plants again. Where we moved was an entirely different type of climate. The winters dipped lower than freezing and summers had triple digits for days on end. If I had to blame something I'd blame the climate. It could be me being out of practice too though.
My yard was empty. No trees, bushes, grass or anything. It was a blank slate ready for anything. I decided on putting grass in the front yard first. Nearly every year I broke up soil, fertilized, planted seed and watered. Every year I had birds, a late freeze, early scorcher, or a kid who over watered. I tried unsuccessfully to grow trees managing to kill 9. Until my son's dog ate them I was had a pretty good start on tomatoes and berries. I was hopeful but the dog stayed about a year. He even ate the tomato cages so while he was with us I gave up on growing anything. When he left I decided to put rock in the front yard. I went with large, 6 to 10 inch, smooth rock. I loved the rock but ended up with weeds like crazy after that.
My philosophy on plants changed since I was young I loved everything green and flowering was an extra bonus. In my twenties I developed allergies and discovered how much work went into keeping a yard looking nice. I loved mowing but weeding and trimming was never fun for me. Now my philosophy on plants is plants need to have a purpose. Grass is pretty but not necessary trees are nice if they bear fruit or belong to someone else. I have the same theory on plants and bushes too. If they are mine they better have the secondary benefit of something edible. Watering plants takes time and money. I find it kind of pointless unless there is a payback. The exceptions are keeping tree roots down and keeping the grass green. Remember I had a rock covered front yard I loved. Today I'd say AstroTurf with padding would be awesome or maybe a jungle of fruit and veggies.
Weeds never have invaded any garden I've had. I hear people either complain or saying how they become close to nature while working the weeds out of the garden. For some there is the therapeutic value to gardening I guess it's kind of calming. Not so much a calming or therapeutic thing for me. In California it seems like every year we are in a drought but I'll water for a purpose. If I put in time watering and weeding I like the exchange of fruit or veggies.
House plant are nice. When I was a teen and into my twenties I had tons of them. I had cactus, spider plants, vines, herb, violets and anything anyone gave me. It was a time of terrariums. Then I starting raising my kids and began unintentionally killing off the indoor plants. Houseplants tend to outgrow their pots and require regular watering. I replaced them with the easy to hose the dust off maintenance of silk houseplants. While I lived in Oklahoma I had some success with a few houseplants people gave me here and one there. When I moved back to California it seemed I was doomed to kill them off again. I am caring for three right now that are not dead but not thriving either.
I recently got brave and planted a few veggies and fruits. The plants are really growing like crazy but the veggies appear for a little bit then they just wither and fall off. We did harvest one zucchini and two tomatoes so far. There are a few dozen tomatoes and a couple of bell peppers too. For some plants it is too early but the others are just stinkers. My thumb appears to be more green than brown now but I'm working on it.
We have several pretty green tomatoes
a couple of tiny bell peppers
and far only one really big zucchini
but one day we will have cucumbers and melons too. Gardens are beautiful. Mine is small and among the wilted leaves it has it's beauty too. I do love the lush green, the bright white and yellow flowers and the yummy fresh produce on the table.
Is love possible
Is it possible to love someone you haven't met yet? If you hear and see enough about someone anything is possible. Do I mean a deep passionate lasting kind of love? No but it's a start and in time, with work who knows.
Is it possible to love someone if they don't know it? I have said you can love someone you haven't met so sure you can have a one sided love. When you are around someone enough to get to really get to know them it is possible to fall in love. The trick is to not let things get out of hand. Friendship is usually the first step to falling in love.
Is it possible to love someone if they don't feel the same way? Love is a two way street. It is possible but if it is not reciprocated it is unhealthy and can be a problem. It takes two. If you find yourself in love that is not returned move on. If you are on the receiving end don't be cruel by taking advantage of the situation. Make sure to make your intentions very clear and be merciful.
Is it possible to love someone if you have never kissed or held hands before? Absolutely. Love based on friendship starts in a way that is more natural. It develops slowly into real love that allows for feelings to grow long before a hand is held or a kiss is shared. Getting physical too soon will sometimes stop real love before it has a chance to develop.
Is it possible to love someone if you have only been best friends? The best loves develop this way. Best friends really know each other and finding that bond in a relationship is a great gift. Being best friends does not mean love will kindle it only means it is possible.
Is it possible to live your life without ever knowing love? Yes but I don't recommend it.
Is it possible to love someone if they don't know it? I have said you can love someone you haven't met so sure you can have a one sided love. When you are around someone enough to get to really get to know them it is possible to fall in love. The trick is to not let things get out of hand. Friendship is usually the first step to falling in love.
Is it possible to love someone if they don't feel the same way? Love is a two way street. It is possible but if it is not reciprocated it is unhealthy and can be a problem. It takes two. If you find yourself in love that is not returned move on. If you are on the receiving end don't be cruel by taking advantage of the situation. Make sure to make your intentions very clear and be merciful.
Is it possible to love someone if you have never kissed or held hands before? Absolutely. Love based on friendship starts in a way that is more natural. It develops slowly into real love that allows for feelings to grow long before a hand is held or a kiss is shared. Getting physical too soon will sometimes stop real love before it has a chance to develop.
Is it possible to love someone if you have only been best friends? The best loves develop this way. Best friends really know each other and finding that bond in a relationship is a great gift. Being best friends does not mean love will kindle it only means it is possible.
Is it possible to live your life without ever knowing love? Yes but I don't recommend it.
Monday, June 8, 2009
One Became Two & Two Became Three
When I was a little girl we had a dog named Lady. We loved Lady. She was a best friend to all of us. Lady was very smart. She was a guard dog and a playmate.She was a good sport letting us play dress up and dance with her too. My favorite was her version of hide and go seek. She was a cheater with her keen sense of smell she could find us in a second or two and with her size she could hide anywhere.
Fast forward to about two years ago. I have five brothers. The one I grew up with (long story) got two puppies. They got two because the girls didn't seem to want to be separated and were both so cute it was too hard to chose just one. They looked a lot like our Lady did. When he showed me his new dogs I asked if he had planned to breed them. He said they were thinking about it. Some experts say female dogs will have a better temperament if she has been bred. I took dibs then and there.
This is Maggie
& Mandie 
They decided to breed and at the time promised one to Mom, one to her mom, one to her brother and one to me. They purchased a male because the cost of the male was half of the fee to breed the girls twice. They got Buddy.
I was so excited to get a puppy like the one I had as a kid but I wasn't sure how that would work after coming to care for my mom.
Both dogs became pregnant not long af ter having become Mom's caregiver. They were only about six weeks apart. This was an exciting time. I decided it would be a good thing because my puppy and Mom's puppy would have each other to play with. After all dogs are pack animals and tend do better in groups anyway. So my one dog became our two dogs.
The first litter came for Thanksgiving. There was one girl and three boys. Mom wanted a girl.
The girl was a shaded blond with a fairly good disposition. Mom named her Lucy after her mother but kept calling her Lady. Now she is officially Lady Lucy.
I chose the red. He was loving and calm. The kids named him Jasper. We got to bring them home around the first of the year shortly after the second litter arrived. In that litter there were two white and three black. They looked like a double stuff Oreo cookie.
Well sort of anyway.
Until they had their shots they were confined to the house. We put a 4x4 pen in the living room but during the day when people could watch them they were let out to have the run of the house most of the day. They have a variety of toys and love a good rawhide bone. They would "bury" their toys and rawhide bones under furniture.
One day in February I had some time to kill when I was picking my son up for work. I went to see the puppies that were days away from going to their new homes. I had seen them the day they were born but hadn't seen them since. They were so cute. One particular black one crawled up into my lap and cuddled. She was so little and so sweet. I told my brother I wanted her. He said if I was serious I could have her but to make sure Mom was okay with a third dog. At that point at home we had her dog and my dog so bringing in the third dog was a good thing and they all became our dogs.
Once all three were given their parvo shots they were able to begin going out some. They learned how leashes worked. They get too excited and still get tangled up too easily to really go with one person. I always wondered how the dog walkers do it.
Now that they have had their rabies shots we pulled the back yard together. The jungle is now cleared and there is a portion fenced off for the turtle.
There is a dog door so they can come in and out when they want. Ironically ever since then they have had access to the yard there has been drizzle and rain and they stay in the kitchen. We have gated them into into the kitchen at this point. I'm sure once they are a little older we will give them full access to the house. Right now they tend to chew cords... phone charger cords, computer cords, game cords, light cords... any cords they can find. They have occasional accidents so until they catch on they need to be contained in the kitchen and yard.
Lady is beautiful. Her coat is a rich looking dark blond with shaded swirls through her back and tail. She has a regal look about her. She wants attention all the time and is a bit of a whiny girl. She is less likely to go run around outside and prefers to lay around more than the other two.
Jasper is our protector. He barks at not just new people but all the new unfamiliar or unexpected sounds or shadows. His coat is a deep red and so very soft. He holds his rawhide with both paws like a baby would hold a bottle and it is comical to watch. He is still the calm one.
Huni Bear is the alpha dog. From moment one she wanted those big dogs to know she was in charge. Her coat is soft black with reddish tan markings. She is the one who is most accepting of visitors. She is a little hyperactive and easily distracted. She growls like a bear but is sweet like honey.
My brothers two became three and our one became our two and finally our three.
They are never apart for long.
They have grown into their true colors and still love to hang out together. They sleep together, eat together and get into things together.
Fast forward to about two years ago. I have five brothers. The one I grew up with (long story) got two puppies. They got two because the girls didn't seem to want to be separated and were both so cute it was too hard to chose just one. They looked a lot like our Lady did. When he showed me his new dogs I asked if he had planned to breed them. He said they were thinking about it. Some experts say female dogs will have a better temperament if she has been bred. I took dibs then and there.
This is Maggie
& Mandie 
They decided to breed and at the time promised one to Mom, one to her mom, one to her brother and one to me. They purchased a male because the cost of the male was half of the fee to breed the girls twice. They got Buddy.
I was so excited to get a puppy like the one I had as a kid but I wasn't sure how that would work after coming to care for my mom.
Both dogs became pregnant not long af ter having become Mom's caregiver. They were only about six weeks apart. This was an exciting time. I decided it would be a good thing because my puppy and Mom's puppy would have each other to play with. After all dogs are pack animals and tend do better in groups anyway. So my one dog became our two dogs.
The first litter came for Thanksgiving. There was one girl and three boys. Mom wanted a girl.
The girl was a shaded blond with a fairly good disposition. Mom named her Lucy after her mother but kept calling her Lady. Now she is officially Lady Lucy.
I chose the red. He was loving and calm. The kids named him Jasper. We got to bring them home around the first of the year shortly after the second litter arrived. In that litter there were two white and three black. They looked like a double stuff Oreo cookie.
Well sort of anyway.
Until they had their shots they were confined to the house. We put a 4x4 pen in the living room but during the day when people could watch them they were let out to have the run of the house most of the day. They have a variety of toys and love a good rawhide bone. They would "bury" their toys and rawhide bones under furniture.
One day in February I had some time to kill when I was picking my son up for work. I went to see the puppies that were days away from going to their new homes. I had seen them the day they were born but hadn't seen them since. They were so cute. One particular black one crawled up into my lap and cuddled. She was so little and so sweet. I told my brother I wanted her. He said if I was serious I could have her but to make sure Mom was okay with a third dog. At that point at home we had her dog and my dog so bringing in the third dog was a good thing and they all became our dogs.
Once all three were given their parvo shots they were able to begin going out some. They learned how leashes worked. They get too excited and still get tangled up too easily to really go with one person. I always wondered how the dog walkers do it.
Now that they have had their rabies shots we pulled the back yard together. The jungle is now cleared and there is a portion fenced off for the turtle.
There is a dog door so they can come in and out when they want. Ironically ever since then they have had access to the yard there has been drizzle and rain and they stay in the kitchen. We have gated them into into the kitchen at this point. I'm sure once they are a little older we will give them full access to the house. Right now they tend to chew cords... phone charger cords, computer cords, game cords, light cords... any cords they can find. They have occasional accidents so until they catch on they need to be contained in the kitchen and yard.
Lady is beautiful. Her coat is a rich looking dark blond with shaded swirls through her back and tail. She has a regal look about her. She wants attention all the time and is a bit of a whiny girl. She is less likely to go run around outside and prefers to lay around more than the other two.
Jasper is our protector. He barks at not just new people but all the new unfamiliar or unexpected sounds or shadows. His coat is a deep red and so very soft. He holds his rawhide with both paws like a baby would hold a bottle and it is comical to watch. He is still the calm one.
Huni Bear is the alpha dog. From moment one she wanted those big dogs to know she was in charge. Her coat is soft black with reddish tan markings. She is the one who is most accepting of visitors. She is a little hyperactive and easily distracted. She growls like a bear but is sweet like honey.
My brothers two became three and our one became our two and finally our three.
They are never apart for long.
They have grown into their true colors and still love to hang out together. They sleep together, eat together and get into things together.
The home front
I have become the primary caregiver for Mom. She is not an invalid but she has enough health problems that she requires help and lots of it. Getting older is hard. Things begin to sag and wrinkle, the memory fades, tasks that were once easy suddenly and inexplicably become difficult or in some cases impossible. When my dad got older and needed help he would get so frustrated and now mom is in the same boat. She hates to even admit she needs help of any kind but usually accepts the help and eventually shows her gratitude.
The house I live in is very small and filled with five people. We all pitch in taking care of Mom/Gramie since we all work different shifts. It is crowded yes but in my case not a bad thing because I love these people. The noise level can be pretty high here. Until recently the ability to be alone for any length of time was near impossible.
Soon after moving here we got a puppy. Well kind of two puppies. One for me and one for Mom. She has a hard enough time taking care of herself so most of the puppy care landed on me and the kids. Six weeks later we fell in love with a puppy from the second litter that just happened to be homeless. They were confined to the house until they got their shots and the yard was dog ready.
These days it seems I am always cooking and cleaning when I am not at work outside the house. Everyone pitches in some and we manage pretty well. My daughter can cook and she shares the cooking, everyone does laundry and helps out where they can. We are getting good at it.
The yards have been neglected. Mom had this gardener who did not speak English and barely did a thing. He was rarely given access to the back yard because he came when Mom had doctor appointments and she would forget to leave the gate unlocked. We had a lot of rain this year and the backyard turned into a jungle. I have trimmed more trees and bushes in the last two months than I have in the last ten years. I am beginning to see why my brother is known by some as a tree hater. The tree hater came by and with his son and with the assistance of me and my son we got the yard dog ready. Yeah!
With the front and back yards in order our living area has increased by three. The front porch is a relaxing place to spend the cool morning or evening hours. The porch is too small for more than one or two but we have fit four before. I find the solitude on the front porch in the morning nice. The backyard is less relaxing but more enjoyable with the puppies, the turtle and the million bugs and birds that keep us company. There are little shady spots nearly all day that act as an extension of living space as well when it isn't raining that is.
The home front is still home. The space and duties may have changed but home is still home.
The house I live in is very small and filled with five people. We all pitch in taking care of Mom/Gramie since we all work different shifts. It is crowded yes but in my case not a bad thing because I love these people. The noise level can be pretty high here. Until recently the ability to be alone for any length of time was near impossible.
Soon after moving here we got a puppy. Well kind of two puppies. One for me and one for Mom. She has a hard enough time taking care of herself so most of the puppy care landed on me and the kids. Six weeks later we fell in love with a puppy from the second litter that just happened to be homeless. They were confined to the house until they got their shots and the yard was dog ready.
These days it seems I am always cooking and cleaning when I am not at work outside the house. Everyone pitches in some and we manage pretty well. My daughter can cook and she shares the cooking, everyone does laundry and helps out where they can. We are getting good at it.
The yards have been neglected. Mom had this gardener who did not speak English and barely did a thing. He was rarely given access to the back yard because he came when Mom had doctor appointments and she would forget to leave the gate unlocked. We had a lot of rain this year and the backyard turned into a jungle. I have trimmed more trees and bushes in the last two months than I have in the last ten years. I am beginning to see why my brother is known by some as a tree hater. The tree hater came by and with his son and with the assistance of me and my son we got the yard dog ready. Yeah!
With the front and back yards in order our living area has increased by three. The front porch is a relaxing place to spend the cool morning or evening hours. The porch is too small for more than one or two but we have fit four before. I find the solitude on the front porch in the morning nice. The backyard is less relaxing but more enjoyable with the puppies, the turtle and the million bugs and birds that keep us company. There are little shady spots nearly all day that act as an extension of living space as well when it isn't raining that is.
The home front is still home. The space and duties may have changed but home is still home.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Someone recently asked if I believe in love...
Someone recently asked if I believe in love. I do. I think everyone should have the chance to experience love at least once in a lifetime. I strongly recommend falling in love at least once.
To really fall in love is an experience equaled by no other. The act is an investment and takes work to develop, nurture and retain. Often times people will put in some time and then just give up. For some people work is a negative thing no matter how wonderful the outcome may be.
I believe the key to loving someone is to understand that there is a distinct difference between being "in love" and loving someone. Being "in love" can be fleeting but loving someone has staying power. The problems arise when people confuse the two.
Being "in love" is generally that giddy feeling in the beginning of a relationship. I've heard it referred to the honeymoon phase or the dating phase. Couples are putting their best foot forward. They try harder to be the best they can be. In the early stages of a relationship, pretty much every flaw can be overlooked and possibly not even seen. Kind of the "rose colored glasses" phase in a relationship. For the on looker watching someone ignore what they see as glaring flaws can be difficult to observe. The observer does not have on the "rose colored glasses." Although flaws to the observer are hard to ignore. For the participants this is the time errors in judgment are more often made.
The giddiness of being "in love" is awesome. Better than awesome is when couples stay in a relationship long enough to find the deeper level of love and find they are also still "in love." Those are the best kind of relationships! I describe one of my brothers and his wife as "the newlyweds." They are at 20 years now. They never really left the honeymoon phase and I could not be happier for them. I wish everyone could find deep true love and stay in love...
I have personally witnessed "love at first site." Sadly I haven't seen many of those relationships develop into the deeper love that only time brings. It is possible to get there though. Loving someone is when you want to grow old together. When you can't imagine your life without him or her. When you are willing to make changes to make each other happy. When you consider yourself a part of two.
Love is unconditional. Which means that most annoying things can be tolerated or even become an endearing feature. I think it is okay to overlook flaws as long as they don't bother you and do not harm others.
Love is risky you can get hurt. Love is however worth the risk so take it. Love takes effort. Keep working at it or you will be wasting your time. Love can heal.
Love can uplift. Love can strengthen. Love is powerful. Yes I believe in love.
To really fall in love is an experience equaled by no other. The act is an investment and takes work to develop, nurture and retain. Often times people will put in some time and then just give up. For some people work is a negative thing no matter how wonderful the outcome may be.
I believe the key to loving someone is to understand that there is a distinct difference between being "in love" and loving someone. Being "in love" can be fleeting but loving someone has staying power. The problems arise when people confuse the two.
Being "in love" is generally that giddy feeling in the beginning of a relationship. I've heard it referred to the honeymoon phase or the dating phase. Couples are putting their best foot forward. They try harder to be the best they can be. In the early stages of a relationship, pretty much every flaw can be overlooked and possibly not even seen. Kind of the "rose colored glasses" phase in a relationship. For the on looker watching someone ignore what they see as glaring flaws can be difficult to observe. The observer does not have on the "rose colored glasses." Although flaws to the observer are hard to ignore. For the participants this is the time errors in judgment are more often made.
The giddiness of being "in love" is awesome. Better than awesome is when couples stay in a relationship long enough to find the deeper level of love and find they are also still "in love." Those are the best kind of relationships! I describe one of my brothers and his wife as "the newlyweds." They are at 20 years now. They never really left the honeymoon phase and I could not be happier for them. I wish everyone could find deep true love and stay in love...
I have personally witnessed "love at first site." Sadly I haven't seen many of those relationships develop into the deeper love that only time brings. It is possible to get there though. Loving someone is when you want to grow old together. When you can't imagine your life without him or her. When you are willing to make changes to make each other happy. When you consider yourself a part of two.
Love is unconditional. Which means that most annoying things can be tolerated or even become an endearing feature. I think it is okay to overlook flaws as long as they don't bother you and do not harm others.
Love is risky you can get hurt. Love is however worth the risk so take it. Love takes effort. Keep working at it or you will be wasting your time. Love can heal.
Love can uplift. Love can strengthen. Love is powerful. Yes I believe in love.
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