Downsizing

Lately I have been doing a lot of downsizing. Downsizing for me means getting rid of a lot of accumulated junk. Junk defined as stuff I no longer need or never probably needed in the first place. In the process I have come across a bunch of photos, genealogy and loads a things with memories attached. 

 

Those memory attached items will really mess with ya every time! Why am I keeping this thing and is the time or place or reason I acquired it that significant? Who will care about it after I have passed? Is the person who gave it to me really going to care if I still have it or will they even know if I still have it? I don't expect that every single thing I have given people over the years is all cherished and loved and put in a place of honor. Things are just that things and the memories live on even after the thing is no longer around. 

 

Most of the genealogy I've come across is to be honest a little boring. I like to know the blood lines/tree branches but I can do without the narrative that are mostly written by a child or relative of the person and not really the person who lived it. I also know that two people living in the same house can have very different stories about growing up there based on their own viewpoint of the life they lived. I am not in anyway trying to say that anyone is untruthful more that the perspectives can and in most cases will be entirely different. I think anything more than a few basic facts like place of birth, marriage(s), divorce(s), children, death, occupation(s) should be autobiographical. I know that if I wrote the story of any family member's life it would be totally from my perspective no matter how hard I tried to get the whole truth unless I was writing the story as told to by the person involved. I was blessed to have had long talks with my grandfather that completely changed my views of him as a person and some of the choices he made. I feel confident I could write what he told me and have it be his truth with only a little of my perspective. But anyone who never sat with him and talked might have the same thoughts I do about writing the story of someone else. We have boxes and files and bound books of genealogy but most of leaves me wondering for real truths.

 

The photos crack me up. The ones I was present at the time they were taken evoke memories both good and bad while others stroke the fires to try to remember when or where it was taken. We have so many photos and I am as guilty as anyone of putting them in a box without a date or label. I mean really who are some of these old people and how are they connected. The only ones I can truly identify are the ones I' personally can remember, like my grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings but there are other people in these photos who are probably family I never met or I just don't remember anymore. My mom and uncles were huddled around the computer the last time we were together trying to figure out who was in photos, when they were taken and where they were taken. It would be so much easier if we did that from the start. I look at these photos today and think I need to scan them all. Identify who is in them and make them available to friends and family... Then what to do with the hard copies? Remember I am downsizing.

 

This whole process is exhausting. If it were just me it might be easier but I have to consider the feelings of others. Will passing this on to someone who will use it hurt the feelings of the giver? Then I wonder if it is better to have the objects stuck in a box in the closet? That organizer on TV (Walsh I think) always said if it doesn't deserve a place of honor then it is okay to get rid of it. In a box in the closet isn't really a place of honor. I guess that would go back to the "treasure box" my mom made for us as kids to put the things we treasure that mostly became treasures because we didn't look at them every day but have special meaning. Those "treasure" boxes were always in our closets but if our new treasures didn't fit in the box we got rid of something to make space for a new treasure. Hey that might work.. I also wonder if I will regret tossing or giving away things? Why would I regret getting rid of the excess? Except when someone asks for it later on or when I find out later that something I had is worth money today. It takes a ton of time to research and then sell everything. Way too many questions to ponder as I go through this process....

Calenders

Are calenders a sign of getting old? I wonder about these things.

When I was a kid the closest thing to a calender I had was the date on the chalkboard at the front of the class and the one on the bulletin board by the door. I never really thought about the date unless it was a holiday or there was a birthday coming up. Yes, I realize both had much to do with vacation time from school and maybe gifts but really as a child what else do you need to know.

As I grew older and my kids started having busier lives I had a calender in the living room to keep track of where people needed to go. I was a single mom of five kids so it was a necessity. The kids could write things down and look to see where I might be. (This was before the leash otherwise known as cell phone.)

My mother has always had a few calenders. For years a free one from the credit union always hung in the kitchen. It had birthdays and anniversaries marked on it. (She quit going in the kitchen much an hasn't had one in there for a few years now.) She has one in her pouch wallet thing that she has filled in every year too with everyone's birthdays and anniversaries then highlights them and usually has the age marked in there so she won't forget how old the little ones are. As she makes appointments with doctors and social engagements and church activities she marks them down too. Her mantra is if it isn't in the calender is isn't getting done. People started giving her pretty calenders for Christmas that she hung in the hallway but it was usually never marked. She still never goes in the kitchen so one hasn't hung there for a long time. Since I got tired of looking in her wallet to work out my schedule (I am her caretaker) I started writing her appointments on the calender in the hall.

About a year ago I hung a calender by the shelf where we keep the dog treats. Every day I mark down when I give them their vitamin or make eggs (they get a scrambled one when we do... spoiled I know.) I like to keep track of the vitamins. I don't trust my memory as much as I did before I was electrocuted. I have asked that people write down when they give them treats because after getting the dogs fixed the girls started to put on weight. Nothing like fat wiener dogs as a cliche. At the time we had four people giving the poor little things treat after treat to where they weren't even treats anymore but more like too many empty calories instead.

As I started doing PT after an accident a few months ago I put a calender up in my room to keep track of PT time and work outs. Kind of a progress report of sorts. It makes me feel like I've accomplished something to see the days filled in.

So today I'm noticing all the calenders I've added to my life. I think dang am I getting so old. I need to write that much down to keep track of it? I mean my kids have all nearly left home to begin lives of their own. The calenders are helpful tools but when did I get to the point I needed so many just to get by?

Turn pockets

I’m having issues with turn pockets. Cities have gone to raised road dividers with hardscaped (a center divider with curbs on either side, usually with some sort of landscape in between the curbs). They have their problems.

One problem is maintenance. It seems like for some the bushes are scraping our cars before someone comes to trim them. They are often too small for a standard mower so weedeaters are used instead of mowers. These weedeaters usually toss pebbles and bits of debris at vehicles as they pass. The probability of them being "mowed" as I pass is in direct proportion to my window being in the down position. The maintenance personnel use cones as a buffer to protect themselves from passing vehicles being dangerously close which I understand but they block the turn lane altogether. There is also the types of plants placed in these hardscapes. Some have strongly smelling plant life that cause the allergies to flair up while others have trees that quickly grow too large for the space and require the roots to be trimmed and the curbs to be repaired or replaced over and over.

The second problem is the tendency for these pockets to be really tiny allowing very few vehicles to actually enter the turn pocket before it becomes blocked by vehicles going straight.

Lately I’ve noticed the trend to make the hardscaped dividers narrower along with all of the lanes until there is enough space to make it a two lane turn pocket. The problem with this idea is they are still too short to allow vehicles inside before being blocked by those going straight. Lately it often takes one or more frustrating lights just to enter the two lane turn pocket and one more frustrating light to actually make the left turn.

I’m sure some genius spent a lot of time designing this new two lane turn pocket but they didn’t think it through very well. What were they thinking?

Soul Mate

It bugs me when people say they have met their soul mate. That they have found the one person they are supposed to spend the rest of their life with. I do believe that love can last forever. I do believe that some people fit together well. But only one I’m not so sure.

I believe there are soul mates. People whose souls touch, match, and belong or what have you. I believe that friendships and loves can be soul matches but I also believe people can be blinded by love and jump in too quickly to know if the match is real and lasting.

The problem I have with the idea of a soul mate is in believing there is one person meant for one person and none other in the world. If that were true what are the chances of these two individuals meeting at the right time in the right circumstance. I’d say it is pretty slim or even never. If you never meet your “soul mate” does that mean you remain alone for life? What if you meet the perfect match but are not aware until it’s too late or you meet too late to have the match work. For instance if you were to meet after you or they are married to someone else. That would negate the idea of one and only one true love. What happens when you loose a spouse. Does that mean you will never have love again?

I believe you meet people through your life that you connect with on a level more deep than a casual acquaintance, on a level deep down to your soul. I believe that souls connect. But I also believe that some of those connections are meant to be lasting friendships and not simply the love of our life.

I have a few friends, both male and female who are connected to my soul. People who get me and love me no matter what, and who I get on that same level. Those are the people in my life who know me so well they understand me before I even have to explain myself. The kind of friend I may not see or hear from for long periods of time but can catch up with in a matter of minutes. The kind of friend who I can talk to for hours and never ever run out of topics or things to laugh about. I feel fortunate and blessed to have known and loved these people. I know I am loved and it is a good feeling.

I have been married twice and both times I can say I loved them. However I can also say I understand why it didn’t work and why we aren’t together anymore. Am I looking for the one true love? Nope! For me love will happen when it’s ready. I am old enough to recognize love when I experience it and smart enough to enjoy the opportunity should it arise. May everyone find love at least once in their lives and have as many “soul mates” as they connect with.

Shades of Gray

There are rules that everyone should live by. Like the golden rule; do unto others as you would have them do unto you or the be attitudes of GBH “Be Grateful, Be Smart, Be Involved, Be True, Be Still, Be Humble, Be Clean, Be Positive, Be Prayerful” (not to be confused with the beatitudes Matthew 5:3-12 and Luke 6:20-26 although a very cool Bible passages) and the Moses tablets AKA the ten commandments.

I believe in right and wrong and in following the rules.

There are some rules that are absolutes in this world. It is always right to do your best. It is always wrong to do intentional harm to others. It is always right to love with your whole heart. It is always wrong to murder.

There are some rules that are more of a guideline and up for interpretation. You don’t have to agree with me but I believe everyone should understand intent of the rule. It is important to follow the spirit of the law as opposed to the letter of the law.

You can call these shades of gray if you want. Just remember the darker the gray the darker the offense and the less likely you are to be following the spirit of the law let alone the letter of the law.