Handicap

Blog post #83 of 365

I have been thinking a lot about the word handicap and what people think when they hear it. I looked up the definition and according to Mirriam-Webster the word handicap means.

1 a : a race or contest in which an artificial advantage is given or disadvantage imposed on a contestant to equalize chances of winning

  b : an advantage given or disadvantage imposed usually in the form of points, strokes, weight to be carried, or distance from the target or goal 

2 a : a disadvantage that makes achievement unusually difficult

  b sometimes offensive : a physical disability 

Both definitions have been a part of my vocabulary since a very early age. I believe the first time I heard about the sports term handicap was actually a horse race when I was probably seven or eight. I really understood it better after watching a golf tournament. At least that is the first time I remember a sports reference. Since then I have heard it many other uses. Several while my brother was in sports at school. Gaining or losing weight to fit into a specific category to go up against a specific opponent. Later when my children played sports.

However physical handicaps I have known since the day I understood words. I grew up with an uncle had a handicap. Back then people would say he was 'mongoloid.' My mom still uses that reference but if I were Mongolian I might take offense to it's use. The politically correct word is Down Syndrome. He stayed with my grandparents until my grandmother died in 1969. Then he went into a home where I met even more people with disabilities. For that I am grateful. 

After all of this you may be wondering why I have started this post with a subject of handicap. Well it comes down to interpretation and jumping to conclusions. I believe there are times in sports events for a handicap to make things fair. However I'm not the biggest sports fan so whatever. Maybe I'm not the one to speak on the subject.

I am however handicapped. I'm not afraid of the label. It is just a label. My handicap does not define me. Actually it is a them. I have many "disabling" factors that I think actually make it easier for me to accept the label. I have to give into it from time to time but I have learned to adapt and live with it. I'm good with that.

I have a handicapped placard and a handicapped plate that allow me to park in a handicapped parking spot. I don't always. I figure on good days there might be someone who needs it more than I do. I have been harassed for both using it and for not using it. I had my car keyed with a note that said, "I get a fine for parking in your place so don't park in mine." Really? There is an entire parking lot of places to park and you begrudge me one? How do they know I not an able bodied person using the car of someone else? I have been screamed at for looking "able bodied" and abusing a handicapped plate that didn't belong to me. Well it is mine. Just because you don't know what is wrong with me doesn't give you the right to jump to conclusions. When did you get your PHD and when did you examine me?  

People make judgements. They see people getting out of the car in the handicapped stall and yes judgements are made. Shoot I am a little ashamed to admit it but I a have made them before. Wondering why the people who jump out and run in leaving an aged, probably handicapped person in the car while they shop. That bugs me. Or the ones who get out and you can see part of the handicap is probably obesity. I just wonder if they didn't park at the outskirts and walk in if it wouldn't be more beneficial. Yes I have and do make judgements from time to time. In all honesty many of you might look at me and never see my handicap(s). Some of you may judge me. I have learned to live with that too.

I am handicapped. I am not differently-abled. I am not special. I don't want to be looked down on. I didn't ask for this. I don't want your pity. I want you to know I appreciate each day. I appreciate every moment with less pain. I appreciate my special parking and I appreciate the days when I am able to walk further and willingly give up those spots to someone who may need them more than I do. Mostly I appreciate those who don't judge. To those who pray for me and anyone else who may be in need, I am grateful.