My Dad Had Parkinsons

Blog Post #29 of 365

My dad was in a home for about five years. the doctor told my mom if she didn't put him in a home she would soon be there with him the the bed next to his. It about broke her heart and most days she sat at his side for long hours. I'd sit with him too every time I came to see mom I'd sit with him too. When she had surgery I sat with him and comforted his fears sice he knew she wasn't there. 

My dad was strong and smart. but once he got Parkinson's Disease he was never the same. Watching him dwindle was the hardest thing ever. You see he was only my dad for a very short time. He joined our family when I was 19. He and my mom made each other happy. She deserved happiness and so did he. He loved her in a way I haven't seen very often and always dreamed I'd have. Maybe one day. No our lives weren't perfect but they were good.

My dad and I had a bond. We got each other. We made each other laugh and as he dwindled away in the hospital bed I cried for him. I mourned the loss of who he was knowing that he understood what was happening to him. That he feared death in that way. He begged for me to help him depart in a different way but sadly we let people suffer because it is the only legal way. 

I loved him and I still do. One day I will see him again and I will thank him for the gift he gave my mom. I will let him know how much he meant to me. 

I read this poem and thought I know exactly what the author and many of the people I came to know through the ordeal with my dad how hard it is. How undignified it is to get so old and unable to care for yourself that you must rely on others to do for you. Hopefully if you are very lucky you too will have people to love and care for you the way we did for my dad.

Cranky Old Man by Anonymous

What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . ... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. ...Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ... . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It's jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.
Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. .... . ME!!


The story is that this was found in the room of an elderly patient who had passed away in a nursing home in Australia. I wish I knew who he was. I would let his children know how much love I felt when I read it and how much I appreciated his words. May he rest in peace. May he and my dad meet up in heaven and wait for us.